How is it that some people have such strong connections with each other? What is their SECRET?!
I am Laura Cragun and I am a coach, self-discovery master and connection expert for faith-based women.
And by the end of this video, you’ll understand the key that unlocks the very best in our relationships around us.
So let me tell you that secret.This is one of the greatest gems I’ve ever discovered in all my searching through self-help and all these things. It is this:
The quality of our relationships is a direct result of your ability to know and love yourself.
That is powerful wisdom right there, but let’s dissect it a little bit.
There are three pieces to that wonderful statement.
- Better Intimacy Happens
- Direct Result
- Knowing & Loving Yourself
I guess you can write this as a math equation, which I will put right here.
- Better Intimacy Happens
So we want a better connection. It’s an obvious YES. So that’s why I focus so much on connection and adult relationships in this channel. We women need each other. We also want better family relationships too. And you might already have some good relationships in your life, but they may feel dull and mediocre or surface level.
And that’s why I mentioned quality here. We want greater intimacy in those relationships. Intimacy means to be known and to fully know someone else, both ways!
When I first learned this truth, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess I was really ready to hear it. I actually learned it in a coaching group that I am actually a part of. Coaches need coaches! It’s in the coaching group of Amanda Louder. She is a marriage and sex coach. I’m part of her coaching group where she coaches all of us women around the same time.
She explained this to me and it was so simple and profound that it just hit me like, like a lightning bolt. And of course she mentioned intimacy because that’s sometimes what we refer to sex as, as faith-based people. But this really goes for all relationships. Your neighbor, your gym instructor, your grandma. We are closer to others when we know them and they know us.
But it has to be the real version of you, not your gym self. trying to look good and suck in. Not that surface level conversation on the grass with your neighbor. And not when you’re acting like your childhood self around your grandma when you talk with her.
Of course, we don’t need to show all parts of ourselves wherever we go. That is not what this is about. But if we can take a risk on certain relationships that have that trust factor and share more of ourselves. Then hopefully they will too, and you will have greater intimacy and bonds. So much better together.
- Direct Result
Okay. Now the middle part of that equation I just explained here is talking about a Direct Result.
And to repeat that quote again, it is “the quality of our relationships is a direct result of our ability to know and love yourself”.
So look, you see that equal symbol, there is no way of getting around it. You have to love and know yourself in order. to have better relationships and have better quality. And we will talk about that yourself in this next section. But when I thought about this direct result, it was so empowering to me because it means we have something to control here. We get to use our agency and do something about these relationships and improve it even within ourselves if we so desire. It is freedom when we get to choose.
- Loving & Knowing Yourself
Lastly, knowing and loving yourself, as I have mentioned in my past video. Having a strong sense of self means that you’ve taken that effort and time to truly understand you and take time to truly nourish yourself and take care of you. You know what makes you tick. You don’t self-sacrifice or people please. You do things out of love, not resentment or fear, but you do know your weaknesses and you are continually patient with yourself.
Now, part of why I said “Know and love” is that you can know yourself, but you also have to take that extra step to love yourself. I said, you have unconditional love for yourself even amongst your weaknesses. God can show you who you are and give you that love. And our Savior has given us that power when we can not do it yourself, because sometimes there is a lot of self-loathing that can happen in life.
I love that Taylor Swift song, “Anti-Hero”, where she talks about self-loathing. It is a really popular song for that reason, because we all understand that humanity is part of it. There are times late at night and people that come into our memory that we just are so frustrated about how we acted and what we did because of our own weaknesses.
And we feel like we’re a problem, but we have to take that time and effort and faith and trust in God too. Give us that power to forgive ourselves, to love ourselves.
So it all comes full circle. We feel love from our God and our Savior. Then we feel the love for ourselves. Then we can feel the love for others in our relationships.
I have an aunt in my life that is an Arizona, and she is so good at knowing herself and also giving that love to others around her, and she’s always been a great example for me. She has many older kids and is an amazing grandma and tries so hard to be a part of ours. But she is also very good about knowing herself.
She wasn’t always that way. She’s explained to me and has opened up to me and has had that intimacy with me to share. And thus I also shared with her, and even though she’s my aunt and much older than me, I feel so much connection to her, and she’s expressed to me how much she feels connected to me even though we’re not able to spend all that much time.
Is there someone like that in your life? Think about that, and that example will help fuel you on how to improve this particular situation on having better connections with others because of the key of knowing yourself.
So you may feel overwhelmed on knowing where to even start with connecting with yourself even after I’ve explained all these things. Or you may be stuck in some pretty deep habits and you want to have the energy and time to connect with others, but you are really feeling held back by your current mindset and you worry too much about what others think.
But as a fellow woman in this faith that truly understands that inner turmoil. and as a certified life coach, I can safely say there is hope.
There is a way to break free from this overwhelm, and with my free self-discovery call, I can help. With our Master Healer, mental health principles and mindset work, there is a way.
So together we create a clear vision of that happiness, of what you really want, of that solid sense of who you are. We discover what’s holding you back, and we put into action a plan on how to better connect with yourself and with others, and that might be ways to be less people pleasing and setting those boundaries and actually taking that time to fully take care of you.
It is a free 60 minute Zoom session with me and you experience powerful and transformative. And you can finally find a way on how to connect with yourself and stop being overwhelmed and to start living your purpose.
So if you liked this video, please go check out my previous video, “How to Have a Strong Sense of Self”. In that video I explained about what that means and really how to get there. Thanks for watching today, my friends, and I hope to see you next time!